chapter 59 - confronting parents

Xia Wan stared at Xie Ning for a long time, shocked by his firm and decisive attitude.

Her voice became sharp. “NingNing…”

As soon as it came out of her mouth, she found that even her tone had changed.

Xie Ning very rarely had such a strong attitude.

He naturally did not care much about most people or happenings, and his attitude could be said to be both easygoing and docile.

Go with the flow.

Even when he came out that year, he wasn’t like how he was today at all, not listening to anyone’s advice.

This made Xia Wan feel like she was suddenly at a loss.

In a sense, this was the first time Xie Ning had brought someone he truly liked in front of his parents.

He came out early, but under the pressure of Xia Wan finding psychological counselors for him, he never really developed a crush on anyone.

Xu Qing was just a shield for him to avoid the blind dates Xia Wan tried to set up for him, and unless it was necessary, Xie Ning wouldn’t purposely bring someone home.

As long as he was able to let Xia Wan know that he was someone with a boyfriend and make her give up her goal of introducing him to girls, it was fine.

Zhuang Yan was actually the first one he formally introduced to his parents by saying, “This is my boyfriend.”

Xia Wan still remembered when Xie Ning told her, years ago, that he liked men, the expression on his face was apprehensive, uneasy, and a little bit expectant.

He seemed to be waiting for her comfort.

Waiting for Xia Wan to tell him: It’s okay, this is normal.

However, Xia Wan didn’t meet his expectations, and even made him feel, for a very long time, panicked, uncomfortable, scared, and in pain.

Now, Xie Ning has changed.

He was calm and indifferent.

There was no panic in his expression, and there were no expectations, as if Xia Wan was just someone insignificant.

Her reaction and response also became irrelevant.

Zhuang Yan took Xie Ning’s hand and stood up with him.

He felt like he couldn’t let Xie Ning bear this sort of thing alone.

This action of his seemed to shock Xia Wan, and she took a deep breath. Her voice was sharp: “I won't agree!”

Xie Ning closed his eyes, and opened them again. He smiled slowly. “You still don’t understand. I never thought that you would agree...and I already don’t care whether you agree or not.”

Xia Wan suddenly felt like she was going to lose her son.

Or she’d already lost him a long time ago, but Xie Ning never let her know about it.

She reached out her hand, wanting to pull Xie Ning towards her, but the distance was unexpectedly large, and Xie Jing unconsciously hugged her from the side.

Xia Wan, despairing, fell back onto the sofa. “You’re all men...how can you be together?”

Zhuang Yan smiled for a moment and said, “Auntie, I don’t really understand what you just said. Why can’t we be together?”

He said, “I like Xie Ning, and Xie Ning likes me. Naturally, we can be together.”

His attitude was too straightforward and his expression was too calm, so Xia Wan couldn’t respond immediately.

Xie Ning curled the corner of his lips again, and Zhuang Yan tightened his grip on his hand.

Xie Ning never had a very serious personality, and was sometimes so peaceful that others thought he didn’t have a scheming bone in him.

People around him said that he was cold and indifferent, didn’t really care about things, and whether you praised him or cursed at him, he wouldn’t respond and was definitely too lazy to argue back.

He only showed his true self in front of people close to him.

Others thought he was ice, but Zhuang Yan thought that he was as soft as a puddle of water, someone who could melt in his arms and let him squeeze him .

But today, Xie Ning was much more hard-hearted than he’d expected.

It seemed like he transformed into an icicle, and could pierce anything.

Because Zhuang Yan gave him strength.

Xie Ning thought, Zhuang Yan is just like this. He always believes that what he does and the ideas he insists on are correct.

He wouldn’t doubt or shrink back.

He’d said, “I found such an outstanding, appropriate boyfriend. They can’t even be happy fast enough.”

He’d said, “We’ll always be together. Dating, marriage, and living together.”

From spring to winter, from now to the future, from black hair to white hair.

Xie Ning wasn’t able to describe the feeling in words. When he was with Zhuang Yan, he was somehow confident in himself, and believed that they could continue on like this.

He suddenly had the strength to put down his foot in front of his parents. This was the strength that Zhuang Yan’s attitude, and Zhuang Yan’s parent’s attitudes, gave him.

His fear was gone, and his expectations had already been fulfilled long ago.

When he was confronting Xia Wan, he was placid and unfeeling.

Xia Wan’s emotions were too much for her, and her chest rapidly rose and fell. Xie Jing felt as if her condition wasn’t good, and took her to the room next door to rest.

Song QingQing hesitated for a moment and turned to look at Zhuang Yan and Xie Ning. But she was worried, and followed Xie Jing into the next room instead.

Only Zhuang Yan and Xie Ning were left.

Xie Ning suddenly turned around and hugged Zhuang Yan, and as if all his strength was sapped out of him, fell onto him.

His voice was a little muffled. “Thank you.”

Zhuang Yan stroked his back twice, and said, “What’s there to thank me for?”

After a pause, he said, “I’m very happy today that you introduced me like that in front of your parents. I thought…”

“Thought what?” Xie Ning slowly replied, “Did you think I wouldn’t take the initiative to introduce you to them as my boyfriend?”

Zhuang Yan tilted his head and kissed his hair, not answering.

Xie Ning said, “Love is mutual, as is respect, understanding, and giving back. I can’t always let you worry about me alone.”

Zhuang Yan thought for a moment and asked, “So it’s because I already introduced you to my parents?”

Xie Ning corrected him and said, “That’s only part of the reason.”

“Then what are the other reasons?” Zhuang Yan asked, curious.

Xie Ning was quiet for a couple of seconds and said, “Maybe because you gave me the courage to face my parents.”

When he was beside Zhuang Yan, he always felt safe and secure.

In the past, he was like a lonely boat that was floating aimlessly on the sea, fearful that he would be sunk by the waves anytime.

Now, it was as if he was sitting on the wide back of a blue whale; when he raised his head, the blue sky and scattered clouds were above him, and no matter how he rolled on the back of this blue whale, he wouldn’t be swept away by the waves.

After leaving Xie Ning’s presence, Xia Wan’s expression started to calm down.

Xie Jing took care of her for a while, then entrusted her to Song QingQing and went to go look for Xie Ning and Zhuang Yan.

He said he wanted to talk with Zhuang Yan.

Xie Ning was surprised, and wanted to follow them, but Xie Jing said he wanted to talk with Zhuang Yan alone.

Xie Ning was a little worried, but Zhuang Yan gave him a reassuring look and mouthed the words “Don’t worry” to him.

Zhuang Yan was also curious as to what Xie Jing wanted to talk to him about, but when they went out, Xie Jing didn’t say anything for a long time.

Finally, he sighed deeply and said, “Your father and I used to play together often when we were young.”

Zhuang Yan thought he was going to play the “warmth” card. “My dad told me before that my grandpa and Elder Xie have a very good relationship, and you two were often put together when you were young.”

Xie Jing seemed to smile. “It’s just that the friendship faded later on.”

Zhuang Yan only replied, “The two families will resume the friendship in the future.”

Xie Jing glanced at him and said, “Your temper is a bit different from your father’s.” He paused and continued to say, “Although it’s quite similar to your grandfather’s.”

Since he was speaking of elders, it wasn’t easy for Zhuang Yan to respond, so he just smiled.

Xie Jing was still worried about Xia Wan, whose mood wasn’t stable, and didn’t say too much to Zhuang Yan. He pulled out a red envelope from his bag, and stuffed it into Zhuang Yan’s hand.

Zhuang Yan paused.

Xie Jing said, “You came too suddenly, so I didn’t have enough time to make any preparations. Take this red envelope first.”

Zhuang Yan lowered his head and glanced at the red envelope, unable to react for a bit. “This is…?”

Xie Jing pressed his forehead, and said, “It’s the first time you’re visiting. Aren’t there customs about first meetings and stuff?”

Only then did Zhuang Yan react.

He was a little surprised, and opened his mouth after a bit. “You’ll...accept us?”

Xie Jing smiled bitterly. “NingNing already said that whether or not I accept it doesn’t affect you two.”

Zhuang Yan’s hand, holding the red envelope, clenched tighter. “Although he said that, he still hopes that you guys can calmly accept it.”

Xie Jing shook his head and didn’t say anything.

Zhuang Yan asked, “I basically understand your attitude about this situation, but why don’t you try to persuade Aunt Xia?”

Xie Jing asked in return, “How do you know that I haven’t tried to persuade her already?”

Zhuang Yan was startled.

Xie Jing shook his head and said, “Some things can’t be persuaded with just a sentence. That’s a disease within Xia Wan’s heart that I can’t touch easily, and I’ve thought of many methods these years, but…”

Zhuang Yan frowned. “Disease within her heart?”

Xie Jing wasn’t willing to say more, and only said, “You should also understand that not everything can be balanced. I have to give up some things.”

Zhuang Yan seemed to suddenly understand something.

He took a deep breath and asked, in a deep voice, “So for so many years, you’ve been stuck between Aunt Xia and NingNing, but you chose Aunt Xia in the end, right?”

Xie Jing looked at him and didn’t speak for a long while.

Finally, he said, “I might be a good husband, but I wasn’t able to become a good father. Xie Ning treating us so coldly for so many years is something we deserve.”

Zhuang Yan lowered his gaze and slowly tightened his grip, feeling more and more sorry for Xie Ning.

Xie Jing patted him on the shoulder and said, “Although I may not be in the position to say this, I’ll leave Xie Ning to you to take care of in the future.”

A fire started in Zhuang Yan’s heart, and he coldly responded, “I’ll take care of him well.”

……

It had taken Xia Wan a long time to calm down.

But for some reason, after Xie Jing left, she looked at Song QingQing and suddenly burst into tears.

Song QingQing was given a fright and hurriedly tried to comfort her.

Xia Wan held her hands and choked through her tears, “Why...does he have to like men?”

Song QingQing didn’t know how to respond.

Fortunately, Xia Wan didn’t need a reply from her, and said to herself, “There are so many exceptional girls in this world. Why does he have to like a man?”

Song QingQing, trying to test the waters, said, “Aunt Xia...this is quite normal too.”

“How is it normal?!” Xia Wan’s voice became sharp. “QingQing, you don’t even know that two men don’t have any sort of good results!”

Song QingQing said, “But same-sex marriage has been legal for so many years.”

Xia wan grabbed her hand and shook her head. “You don’t understand at all…”

Song QingQing asked, “Then why don’t you explain it to me?”

Xia Wan sank into her own emotions. “You don’t know what homosexuality is like. That circle of people is too chaotic. Hook-ups, promiscuity, AIDS...I’ve researched and asked around before, which is why I don’t want Xie Ning to get involved with all this. That’s not something a normal person should do!”

Song QingQing opened her mouth a couple of times and said, “I think you’re being prejudiced. Not all gay people are like this, and...Xie Ning didn’t turn out like that.”

Xia Wan said sharply, “That’s because I kept him in line for so many years!”

Her grip was tight, and Song QingQing slightly frowned.

Xia Wan then said, “And can he guarantee that those around him are as clean-living and honest as he is? When the surroundings are messy, how could he not be influenced?”

Song QingQing hesitated and said, “But from what I can see, Zhuang Yan doesn’t seem like such a person. Aunt Xia, you can’t generalize.”

Xia Wan wasn’t able to hear and understand what she was saying, and smiled mockingly, “Xie Ning had a boyfriend before named Xu Qing. He looked quite serious, but actually...his private life was as messy as it could be, and I don’t even know how many little celebrities he was raising.”

Song QingQing wasn’t familiar with the situation, so it wasn’t easy for her to comment on it.

She still wanted to try and persuade Xia Wan, but seeing how she was right now, she figured that anything she said would be useless, so she could only slowly calm her down first.

It took Xia Wan a long time to calm her emotions.

She held Song QingQing’s hand, as if she was seeking agreement. “I’m doing it for his own good. You’re a woman as well; if in the future you have a child, would you be able to just watch him go down the wrong path?! I didn’t do anything wrong, right? He should like girls like you, get married and have children; that’s normal!”

Song QingQing hesitated for a long time before she slowly lowered her head and looked into Xia Wan’s eyes.

She said, “Aunt Xia, I think...you’re wrong.”

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