tw: suicide mention at the very end
sorry for the delay! i'll try to get another chap out tomorrow! ^^
They had hot pot for dinner.
Auntie Chen cleaned the living room in advance, brought out the electric stove and Mandarin duck hot pot base to put in the living room, and washed the vegetables, putting them in a small basket and putting it to the side of the table.
Zhuang Yan originally wanted Auntie Chen to stay and eat with them, but she had to rush back home and take care of her young grandson, so after washing the hot pot ingredients and placing them neatly, she hurried away.
When Zhuang Yan was on his way home, he took a detour and went to the grocery store to buy fresh beef and mutton. He was afraid that the gamey taste would be too strong, and specifically bought the kind that had the taste removed.
Then he bought goose intestines, tripe, and omasum to cater to Xie Ning’s taste.
Zhuang Yan avoids eating internal organs like these, but Xie Ning loves them.
If it wasn’t for Zhuang Yan absolutely not being able to bear it, Xie Ning would have gone back to buy some pig brains as well.
“Actually, authentic Sichuan hot pot doesn’t have any meat in it, they just put in internal organs such as aorta and tripe.” Xie Ning watched Zhuang Yan put the hot pot base into the boiling water, and couldn’t help licking his lips. “Putting beef and mutton in hot pot is a habit in the north.”
Zhuang Yan smiled. “I don’t care about that. Although we’re eating Sichuan hot pot right now, we’re living in the north, so we should follow the local customs.”
Xie Ning smiled after hearing what he said. “I’m a northerner too, so how could you say that we should follow local customs?”
Zhuang Yan said, “Hearing you say this made me remember that you used to live in the south when you were younger. Did you develop a taste for aorta and tripe while you were there?”
Xie Ning shook his head. “I lived around Jiangsu, Zhejiang, and Shanghai, and was quite far from Sichuan.”
Zhuang Yan became more curious. “Then how do they eat hot pot in Jiangsu and Zhejiang?”
Xie Ning recalled, “They eat it all, from beef and mutton to aorta and tripe. Even seafood...it’s like a chowder where you can put anything in it and boil it for a while.”
Zhuang Yan’s heart moved, and he wanted to change the topic to Xie Ning’s experience in the south to see if he could find something out when asking.
But Xie Ning seemed reluctant to bring up things that happened then, and changed the topic to something else several times.
“The soup seems to be boiling,” Xie ning said, staring at the bottom of the boiling pot. “We can put the meat in now.”
Zhuang Yan stood up and smiled. “There’s no hurry.”
Xie Ning was confused. “What’s the matter?”
Zhuang Yan asked him in return, “Do you know that the quintessence of a hot pot is?”
Xie Ning thought about it and replied hesitantly, “That it’s numb and spicy enough?”
“No.” Zhuang Yan raised his eyebrows, “the quintessence of a hot pot is first, the soup base. Second, the dipping sauce.”
He walked behind Xie Ning, pressed his hand on his shoulder, and said quickly, “You can put in what you like to eat first while I mix the sauce for you.”
Since they were eating Sichuan-style hot pot, the dipping sauce was naturally based on sesame oil and mashed garlic. There weren’t as many ingredients at home as there were in hot pot restaurant, so they obviously couldn’t make saucers of sauce as they could if they were outside.
Zhuang Yan mixed it and added some chopped green onions and vinegar. Xie Ning didn’t like to eat coriander, so he didn’t put that in, and finally, he put in a little bit of sugar to make it taste more fresh.
When he finished making it, he turned around and found that Xie Ning had followed him into the kitchen at some point.
Zhuang Yan looked at him calmly in the midst of his mixing. “What’s the matter? Have you come to steal skills?”
Xie Ning said dumbly, “Mixing a sauce can be called a skill?”
Zhuang Yan raised his eyebrows. “Of course. The sauce I made is different from those outside. I guarantee it’s good.”
Xie Ning looked at the small saucer in his hand for a while and didn’t see anything different about it.
Zhuang Yan put the saucer on the table, washed his hands, and used a clean towel to wipe off the water on his hands little by little.
“Why, you don’t believe me?”
Xie Ning was vigilant and was about to shake his head.
However, before he could say, “It’s not that”, Zhuang Yan had already quickly dipped his finger in the dipping sauce and put it in Xie Ning’s mouth for him to taste.
Xie Ning: “...”
His lips felt cold at first, and then the savory scent of the dipping sauce spread out. Xie Ning subconsciously stuck out the tip of his tongue and licked it.
Zhuang Yan’s fingertip rubbed against his lips, pressed onto them and lingered, sweeping across the softness.
The look in his eyes darkened, and somewhere in his heart started to itch along with his fingertip.
Xie Ning was also standing still while his eyes wandered.
Zhuang Yan didn’t remove his hand and outlined the shape of his lips with his finger before asking, “Is it good?”
He was obviously asking about the dipping sauce, but for some reason, Xie Ning’s thoughts began to go wild and he wondered if Zhuang Yan meant something else.
The phrase “It’s good” was stuck in his throat, and he was so shy that he couldn’t spit it out.
A small smile filled Zhuang Yan’s eyes. “I’m asking you a question, is it good?”
Xie Ning’s whole face was redder than the spicy hot pot in the living room, and it took him a long time to squeeze out the two words. “It’s good.”
After hearing this, Zhuang Yan lowered his head and licked Xie Ning’s lips, then responded, “It really is good.”
“...” Xie Ning was caught off guard twice, consecutively, by Zhuang Yan’s actions, and wasn’t given any time to recover. His mind went blank for a moment and he stood there for a while, moving his lips, unable to say a single word.
He asked himself in his heart why he had to follow Zhuang Yan into the kitchen for no reason!
Were the losses he suffered in the past not enough!
Were the lessons he learned in the past not harsh enough!
And Zhuang Yan…
Xie Ning remembered the lightning fast kiss just now, and the heat on his face rose another level.
He’d even given up and thought, he can kiss me if he wants, since I’m used to it now.
...Something feels wrong.
Zhuang Yan smiled sneakily and washed the hands he just washed again. “Let’s go. If we stay stuffily in the kitchen for any longer, the boiling hot pot will get dry.”
Xie Ning glanced at him hesitatingly, walked out slowly, and couldn’t help but think in his heart, Whose fault is that!
The hot pot filled the room with heat. Zhuang Yan was afraid that the incident just now would make Xie Ning explode, so he walked over and turned off the air conditioning.
When he came back, Xie Ning hesitated to sit in front of the table and asked, “Why did you only prepare one saucer of dipping sauce?”
Zhuang Yan sat down next to Xie Ning and the corners of his lips lifted a little. He used the same tone of voice Xie Ning did and said, “We’ll share this one.”
Sharing a bowl…
Xie Ning’s ear tips suddenly became red again.
Zhuang Yan lowered his head and chuckled, then put some vegetables into the hot pot.
He knew very well how long beef and mutton slices were supposed to stay in the pot for, but he didn’t really know much about tripe and omasum. Seeing Xie Ning’s slightly uncomfortable appearance, he used this opportunity to change the topic.
“How long does it take before goose intestines are ready to eat? What about tripe, how long does that take?”
Xie Ning paused. “About a minute, seven times down and eight times up.”
Zhuang Yan picked up a piece of tripe and put it in the pot. “I remember after hearing you say it.”
He dipped it down seven times in the boiling red soup and brought it up eight times. After confirming the tripe was cooked and wasn’t too hard or dense, he dipped it in the sauce and put it on Xie Ning’s plate.
Xie Ning blinked. “You’re not eating?”
“I don’t like to eat these.” Zhuang Yan put goose intestines in the pot for a dozen seconds. “Tsk, this is the first time I’ve personally served someone like this. Even my mom doesn’t get this sort of treatment.”
Xie Ning quickly replied, “I can do it myself.”
Zhuang Yan narrowed his eyes. “This is my first time doing something like this, so I’m not very skilled at it. It feels like I’m being looked down on now.”
Xie Ning didn’t dare to look down on him, and with a blushing face, hurriedly shook his head. “I’m not, I’m not.”
As he spoke, he skillfully cooked two pieces of mutton for Zhuang Yan.
But after feeding him, he felt like something was wrong.
When did they become so sticky and clingy even while they were eating hot pot?!
Authentic Sichuan hot pot was not a normal type of spicy. It was so spicy that halfway through, Xie Ning could barely breathe, but he still felt like it was exhilarating.
Zhuang Yan gave him a bottle of Coke from the refrigerator. “It’s not a good time to eat milk, so this should relieve the taste for a moment.”
Xie Ning took a large sip and the cold liquid traveled down his throat, making his whole body comfortable.
After finishing the hot pot meal, Xie Ning was a little too full and felt like his stomach was bloated.
He wanted to help put away the bowls and chopsticks as well, but Zhuang Yan stopped him.
“Why are you fighting to do Auntie Chen’s job?” Zhuang Yan was amused. “You found inspiration today, so how did you forget to go and draw?”
Xie Ning hesitated for a little. He saw that Zhuang Yan had only put the dishes into the sink then opened the window to dissipate the smell, and wasn’t planning to wash the dishes himself.
Then Zhuang Yan shooed him upstairs. “The wind is traveling through the house so it’s a little cold, go upstairs and stay there.”
When Xie Ning obediently went upstairs into his art studio, Zhuang Yan suppressed the smile on his face and found a quiet corner to contact Ji WenBin.
“Did you want to consult me about something since you contacted me specifically?”
Zhuang Yan asked, “Dr. Ji, do you know about emotional apathy?”
“I do.” Ji WenBin said in affirmation. He then paused for a few seconds and asked in return, “Do you suspect that Xie Ning suffers from emotional apathy?”
Zhuang Yan didn’t say anything.
Ji WenBin thought about it and asked, “What made you suspect this?”
Zhuang Yan didn’t mention Yan Xi or the previous psychologist and only said, “A lot of his actions match the symptoms of emotional apathy.”
“Such as?”
Zhuang Yan thought about it and replied, “For example, he’s very cold to others and what they do, never cares about what outsiders think of him, finds it hard to empathize, etc.”
Of course, there were many things that didn’t match up with emotional apathy as well. Zhuang Yan didn’t think Xie Ning wasn’t capable of feeling emotions.
That day, when he asked Xie Ning if he liked him, Xie Ning definitely said he does.
Zhuang Yan didn’t think he was lying.
Ji WenBin seemed to smile, then said seriously, “Mr. Zhuang, I hope there’s one thing you can understand. Psychological issues aren’t simply 1+1=2. Psychological assessment and diagnosis is something that is very complicated and important. Even if many of Xie Ning’s symptoms seem to match up with a certain condition, it doesn’t necessarily mean he suffers from emotional apathy.”
Zhuang Yan asked calmly, “In other words, Dr. Ji doesn’t believe that Xie Ning has emotional apathy, correct?”
Ji WenBin thought for a little and only said, “I can’t confirm or deny that based on what I know right now.”
Zhuang Yan wasn’t very satisfied with that answer, and asked, “Last time you said that Xie Ning probably received psychotherapy before.”
Ji Wenbin said, “Yes, I do have such a guess.”
Zhuang Yan was silent for a few seconds before he said, “If I said that Xie Ning’s last psychologist was the one that made the diagnosis?”
The person on the other side of the phone seemed to pause for a moment.
Then came a rustling noise, as if Ji WenBin was writing some notes down.
“I don’t know how the other party came to this conclusion.” Ji WenBin’s usually gentle voice was mixed with doubt, “but I’ll use it as a reference.”
Zhuang Yan asked, “So that means...right now, you don’t really agree with that diagnosis?”
Ji WenBin only said, “When it comes to diagnosis, the chances that it will be consistent across different psychologists is very low, because there is no objective standard for diagnosis, and the patient’s actions at different times may not exactly be the same.”
Zhuang Yan said, “So it’s like that.”
Ji WenBin laughed. “For us, diagnosis is not the end goal, but treatment is.”
Ji WenBin truly was an excellent psychiatrist. He spoke calmly and unhurriedly, and his voice was always gentle.
After chatting with him for a bit, Zhuang Yan’s originally irritated mood improved a lot, and he mentioned Xie Ning’s condition these past few days a little.
Ji WenBin responsibly gave him some suggestions.
Before ending the call, Zhuang Yan remembered the incident where Xie Ning was afraid of heights during the day, and couldn’t help but describe it again.
Ji WenBin’s voice became a little louder. “Wait.”
Zhuang Yan asked, “What?”
Ji WenBin asked, “You’re saying that he has a fear of heights, right?”
“That’s correct.”
Ji WenBin thought about it, and asked, “When you asked him what he thought when he looked down, how did he respond?”
Zhuang Yan recalled, “He said: I feel like I will jump down.”
Ji WenBin asked, “Are you sure you didn’t remember it wrongly?”
Zhuang Yan replayed the scene several times in his head and affirmed, “Not a single word is wrong.”
Ji WenBin was silent again.
Zhuang Yan unconsciously lowered his voice. “Is there something wrong?”
He also felt like something was wrong at the time, but his thoughts had been interrupted. He pondered over this repeatedly now, and suddenly, his eyes widened.
Ji WenBin asked him in return, “Why would he mention jumping down, and not falling down?”
Zhuang Yan’s hand that was holding the phone tightened.
“You mean…”
“Most people with a fear of heights are afraid of falling when they’re high above the ground, and that’s normal. But jumping down is a very active action.”
Ji WenBin said, “Although saying this is a bit arbitrary, I suspect that he has, or had, suicidal tendencies.”
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Author’s Note: ZhuangZhuang: I think this chapter is very sweet, but of course NingNing is sweeter.
NingNing: … (tragically double killed)
Twitter: @jiyangtrans
Zhuang Yan, shameless as always XD