chapter 30 - psychologist

When Xie Ning got home, he first went to Elder Xie’s study.

He didn’t talk about what happened with Zhuang Yan in the afternoon when they were alone, and only talked about how welcoming and warm Madam Qiao was to him.

Elder Xie let out a sigh of relief after hearing what Xie Ning said. “The Zhuang family’s principles are good, and are worth developing a deep friendship with. A Jing and Zhuang HongYuan weren’t able to play and interact with one another, so they gradually lost contact.”

Afterwards, Elder Xie asked a couple of questions about Zhuang Yan’s situation.

“Zhuang Yan, he…” Xie Ning tried his hardest to sound serious. “He...is a pretty good person.”

Elder Xie, satisfied, replied, “He seemed like a good boy to me as well.” After a pause, he continued to say, “If you guys get along well, you should interact with him more.

Xie Ning nodded, his face red.

Thinking of Zhuang Yan, his thoughts couldn’t help but drift.

Zhuang Yan actually said that...he likes him.

And confessed.

When Xie Ning recalled what happened in the afternoon, his heartbeat sped up.

He seemed to have also said that he likes Zhuang Yan.

Did Zhuang Yan understand what he meant?

Would he mind...his reaction this afternoon?

He was thinking and hiding things in his heart, so his answers were a little slow. Elder Xie called his name several times before he reacted.

“NingNing? Why are you in a daze again?”

Xie Ning returned to his senses, pressed his lips together, and embarrassedly said, “I’m...I’m thinking of some things.”

Elder Xie, seeing his face full of exhaustion, only thought that he was tired because of this afternoon. He waved his hand and told him to rest well.

After returning to his room, Xie Ning was in a daze the whole night.

He sat next to the bed, holding his phone, and his fingers trembled a little.

The two rabbit plushies at the head of his bed stared at him with their dark eyes, as if they were silently accompanying him.

Xie Ning clenched his phone in a death grip, and spent a long time mentally preparing himself.

After a while, he took two deep breaths, slowly stretched out his fingers, and opened his messages with Yan Xi, typing a message out character by character.

Xie Ning: Do you still have the contact information for the doctor you told me about before?

After he hesitated for about ten seconds, he gritted his teeth and pressed send.

Yan Xi, the instant replier, had no reaction this time.

Xie Ning finally recovered his senses when the phone screen automatically dimmed.

He waited for about ten minutes, and Yan Xi still hadn’t responded.

Xie Ning remembered something and checked the time.

He’d sat in a daze all night, unaware of the passage of time, and didn’t realize that it was already 1am.

Yan Xi was probably already asleep.

Xie Ning didn’t know if he should breathe a sigh of relief or be disappointed.

He put his phone to the side and got ready to go to bed after brushing his teeth and washing his face.

God probably sincerely didn’t want him to sleep well tonight, so when he just lay on his bed and was about to turn off the lights, his phone vibrated twice.

Yan Xi: ...What doctor? Are you sick?

Xie Ning lowered his eyes and slowly responded: I think the last name is Ji. You’ve mentioned it to me before, saying that he is highly skilled.

Yan Xi: Doctor Ji?

After a few seconds, Yan Xi sent a string of exclamation points over.

Yan Xi: !!! You’re finally willing to see a psychologist?!

Xie Ning: I want to...try it out first.

Yan Xi immediately replied: Wait a moment! I’ll find his contact information and send it over right away.

After a short while, Yan Xi sent a string of numbers to him.

Yan Xi: A lot of people recommended Dr. Ji to me before. Here’s his phone number; his WeChat ID is also this number. I don’t know if he has time since it’s New Year’s, so you can make an appointment first.

Xie Ning slowly saved the phone number: Mmn.

Afterwards, Yan Xi sent a bunch of other stuff, but Xie Ning didn’t look at it.

He stared at the string of numbers, especially the saved “Psychologist: Dr. Ji”.

Psychotherapy requires the cooperation of the client. If the client is not willing, then no matter how skilled the doctor is, there is nothing they can do.

Xie Ning...Xie Ning didn’t know how far he could go with it.

He thought he wouldn’t like anyone for the rest of his life, and wouldn’t feel anything towards anyone.

That was how he’d gotten by for so many years, in quiet isolation and alone in the world.

But then he met Zhuang Yan.

Zhuang Yan said...he would wait until he responds.

Xie Ning didn’t want him to wait too long.

His hands were clenched too tightly and his palms were covered in a thin layer of sweat.

He bit his lip and pressed each number one by one.

When he reached the last couple of numbers, his hand began to tremble.

When he finished pressing all the numbers, his heart started beating rapidly and his face turned as pale as a piece of paper.

There seemed to be hallucinations flashing before him, and unhappy past events were like a wild beast that escaped from its cage, running and roaring in his mind.

He gasped for breath, unconsciously furrowing his eyebrows, his heart feeling impatient and hesitant.

His gaze fell and stayed on the dial button for several minutes.

In the end, Xie Ning didn’t have the courage to press it.

He threw his phone to the side and burrowed his head in his blankets, on the verge of tears again.

He kind of hated himself when he was like this.

……

The time during the holidays always seems to fly by.

On the last night of the Chinese New Year holiday, Wei Lang called Zhuang Yan out to drink.

The location was still Lan Zhai. His friends all knew how picky he was, and would definitely be nitpicky at a normal private club.

There were not many clubs that were on the same level as Lan Zhai and Wei Lang was too lazy to find another one, so he might as well ask people to come here again.

But this time, there weren’t many people, just the people he and Qi Rui were good friends with.

Zhuang Yan was sitting on the soft sofa with a sorrowful expression on his face. He didn’t particularly want to talk to the people sitting around him, so his head was lowered and staring at his phone, occasionally tapping the screen with his fingers.

Qi Rui couldn’t stand it anymore and asked curiously, “Who are you talking to, to ignore all of us?”

Zhuang Yan looked up at him, giving Qi Rui some rare face. “I’m not chatting with anyone, just playing a phone game.”

Qi Rui was even more surprised. “What phone game is this fun to have taken your soul away?”

He leaned over and took a look. In the middle of the screen, a little white rabbit was hopping and playing around in a luxurious den.

“???”

Qi Rui asked, “What is this?”

Zhuang Yan ignored him and skillfully tapped the buttons on the screen.

Feed.

The most expensive food in the shop was Timothy grass and alfalfa grass, and they could only be purchased with carrot currency.

The gold coin shop only had low-level rabbit food. Zhuang Yan didn’t even look at it and directly bought enough alfalfa grass for the month.

As soon as he tapped on “Feed”, the little rabbit had alfalfa grass in its arms, and its little 3 shaped mouth moved quickly to chew on the grass, shortening and making it disappear in the process.

The fondness level at the top had increased a lot, and Zhuang Yan nodded, satisfied.

Qi Rui, who watched the whole process: …

“No, but,” he said, puzzled, “Didn’t you always look upon phone games with disdain? When did you start to play such a naive and boring game?”

Zhuang Yan raised his eyebrow and said each word carefully. “Naive? Boring?”

Qi Rui brought two cups over and poured some alcohol into Zhuang Yan’s cup. “Alright, I was wrong, I’m the naive and boring one.”

He watched Zhuang Yan’s actions again, and it was nothing more than touching and hugging the little white rabbit.

The little rabbit was quite cute, and he would have understood if girls liked to play it. His twenty something year old younger cousin played Love Nikki-Dress UP Queen every day, and spent a good amount of money on it every year.

But Zhuang Yan playing this…?

No matter how he looked at it, it was strange.

While he was observing, Zhuang Yan’s phone received a WeChat notification.

It was from <Cute Rabbit At Home>’s exclusive customer service.

<Cute Rabbit At Home> Exclusive Customer Service: Your suggestions are able to be accepted by the planning department, but as the programmers are still on holiday because of Chinese New Year, the new features can only be implemented after the holidays~

Zhuang Yan indifferently sent one word over: Mmn.

Qi Rui asked, “There’s even an exclusive customer service for this poor game?”

Qi Rui knew about exclusive customer services. He’d played mobile games before, and threw down millions for the game, so his customer service always treated him like he was their master.

Most exclusive customer service was operated by a cute girl; even if they weren’t a cute girl, they would pretend to be. No matter how many hundreds of times the player would try to flirt with the customer service, they would be able to take it and even respond with xoxo.

Qi Rui drank a sip of alcohol. “So it turns out you’re trying to achieve a goal in a roundabout way by using the excuse of customer service in order to flirt with the representative?”

Zhuang Yan frowned. “What nonsense are you talking about?”

Qi Rui, seeing how he was a little upset, lay back against the sofa. “What’s your game called? Home...has a rabbit? How come I can’t find it?”

Zhuang Yan didn’t respond to him. Qi Rui usually liked to play large-scale, Internet-based mobile games like Honor of Kings or PUBG, so he figured that Qi Rui would delete this sort of game in about ten minutes.

Qi Rui asked again, “How much money did you spend that you even have an exclusive customer service?”

Zhang Yan tried to recall, and said, “Not a lot, maybe a couple hundred thousand.”

Qi Rui couldn’t believe it. “...You can spend hundreds of thousands on this small game?”

Games like these usually relied on time to slowly build up the fondness level. Zhuang Yan thought it was too much of a hassle and directly spent money to clear out the shop, buying whatever was the most expensive.

Some higher-level interactions required carrots to be spent, and they increased the fondness level more than other interactions did. For example, brushing the little white rabbit, hugging the little white rabbit in his arms and petting it, and so on.

Zhuang Yan could interact with the rabbit dozens of times in a couple minutes.

Now, the little rabbit NingNing’s den was so luxurious that anyone would be jealous, and the fondness level had risen like a rocket.

Zhuang Yan sighed a little. If the fondness level of the Xie Ning in real life could be raised so quickly, he was willing to spend any amount of money.

<Cute Rabbit at Home> is a mobile game that doesn’t require the player to spend a lot of money and relies mainly on in-game advertisements. Most players didn’t need to spend money to be able to keep playing.

People like Zhuang Yan, who spent so much money in just a few days, immediately caught the attention of the game operator.

When the exclusive customer service added him on WeChat, Zhuang Yan didn’t want to talk to them at first, but she said that he could mention suggestions to her because her internal feedback to the planning department was guaranteed to be faster than sending an email to the game’s official email.

Zhuang Yan thought about it and submitted his first suggestion.

Zhuang Yan: In the animation, there’s a scene where the little white rabbit jumps up and kisses the player. Is it possible to make that into an interaction? It doesn’t matter how many carrots it costs for the interaction, as long as it’s an option.

The exclusive customer quickly passed on his suggestion, and notified him today that it was accepted.

From this, it looks like the engineering and planning of this game is quite human.

Zhuang Yan, in a good mood, spent another 648RMB.

Qi Rui became even more curious. He scratched his ears and wondered in his heart what in the world was so fun about this game to make Zhuang Yan so addicted.

Zhuang Yan was annoyed at how clingy he was being, put away his phone, took a sip of his drink, and changed the subject. “Since you love gossiping so much, why don’t you tell me about Xie Ning and Xu Qing? What else do you know?”

One of the goals in mind he had when he came back today was to ask about Xie Ning and Xu Qing’s situation back then. It was clearer to speak in person rather than over the phone.

Qi Rui paused, saying, “Didn’t I gossip about it with you already last time?”

Zhuang Yan kicked him once. “Last time you only talked about their breakup. What about other stuff?”

“What other stuff?” Qi Rui stroked his chin and asked in return, “Speaking of which, what exactly is the situation between you and Xie Ning? On New Year’s Eve, you even asked me to give you keys. My family owns several shopping malls, and the keys are all with the security guards, so why would I have it?”

Zhuang Yan glanced at him. “It’s exactly what you’re thinking.”

“No way…” Qi Rui’s mouth dropped open in surprise, and after a while, exclaimed, “You’re really pursuing Xie Ning? You’re not playing with me?”

Zhuang Yan sneered and said, “What would I trick you for?”

Qi Rui looked like he’d just received a shock, saying, “This is too sudden. You’ve only been back for just over a month, and you already like Xie Ning? I remember when I mentioned him the first time in the beginning, you said he had bad taste.”

Zhuang Yan frowned. “I said that before? Impossible.”

“Come on, don’t pretend you forgot.” Qi Rui said.

Zhuang Yan expressionlessly said, “I really don’t remember.”

Qi Rui sighed. “Fine, I won’t argue with you. But I really didn’t think that you and Xie Ning would come together like that.”

He knew Zhuang Yan’s personality very well. He’d been single since birth, and a large part of why was because he had high standards and was picky.

Having said that, Xie Ning really was quite good-looking, so much so that Qi Rui was previously surprised by only a photo.

Qi Rui couldn’t help but say, “This is seriously hot news. Can I talk about it with others? No, even if you disagree, I don’t think I can hold back my heart that wants to analyze it.”

Zhuang Yan’s eyebrows lifted and coolly glanced at him. “Okay, you can discuss it with others.”

Qi Rui asked, wondering, “Why are you so generous this time?”

Usually he was most annoyed when others gossiped about him.

Zhuang Yan lifted his chin. “It’s best if you let everyone know about Xie Ning and I so that they know Xie Ning is someone I’m protecting.”

He paused, and with a dangerous tone in his voice, said, “In case people with no eyes are bored and try to talk about Xie Ning behind his back.”

Qi Rui, who had previously happily gossiped about Xie Ning, smiled, embarrassed.

Zhuang Yan didn’t want to criticize him too severely, and he tapped his fingers against his cup twice. “You haven’t told me yet about Xie Ning and Xu Qing’s situation a couple of years ago.”

Qi Rui recalled for a moment, saying, “You have to be a little more specific. Which period of time do you want to know about?”

Zhuang Yan frowned. “First tell me how they got together, then.”

Qi Rui took a sip of his drink and cleared his throat. “Speaking of which, when Xie Ning started to attend X University, you had just gone overseas, and he also became a male god figure at school. It’s said that even school flowers from other schools traveled the long distance to come to our university just to talk to him a little.”

“That year, I remember Xu Qing started to like Xie Ning first.”

Zhuang Yan wasn’t very surprised.

Qi Rui continued to say, “When Xu Qing first confessed, Xie Ning rejected him.”

Zhuang Yan lifted his eyebrows, and his expression improved slightly.

“Xie Ning had rejected a lot of people, but Xu Qing was probably the one with the most determination. He pursued Xie Ning for a full two years.” Qi Rui snorted and said, “You’ve seen how Xu Qing pursues people as well. He’s as clingy as sticky candy, and you can’t get rid of him no matter how hard you try.”

Zhuang Yan had mixed feelings in his heart, and asked, “And then?”

Qi Rui said, “Around the time Xie Ning graduated, someone told me that Xu Qing had succeeded in chasing him. At that time, Xu Qing’s true personality hadn’t been exposed yet, so some people said that Xie Ning was fed up with his clinginess, and others said that he succeeded because he put his heart to it and could break up rocks and metal. In short, that’s how they got together.”

Zhuang Yan lowered his eyes, deep in thought.

Pursued him for two years…

His heart suddenly felt very congested.

He laughed at himself mockingly. “Right now, I suddenly regret going overseas that year.”

“What?” Qi Rui looked at him, not understanding.

Zhuang Yan turned his head and glanced at him. “That year, if I didn’t go overseas, then I might have met Xie Ning sooner.”

And wouldn’t have let him become entangled with Xu Qing for so long.

Qi Rui thought back to his personality in university and said, “With your higher-than-the-sky temperament back then, you probably wouldn’t have liked Xie Ning, would you?”

Zhuang Yan shook his head and confidently said, “No, I definitely would have been interested in him.”

Sometimes, fate only needed one meeting.

Just like how, when he saw Xie Ning for the first time in front of the claw machine, he left a deep impression on him.

It’s just that their red thread wasn’t bound firmly enough in those years and caused them to go around it, missing so many years.

Zhuang Yan thought, I won’t miss it this time.

If worse comes to worst, he’ll just pursue Xie Ning for two years.

Zhuang Yan asked Qi Rui some more questions.

Although Qi Rui loves gossip, he didn’t know everything down to its last detail. In the past, he’d heard things from a pack of rogue friends, and they’d only quickly mentioned it, so he was unclear about the rest.

Zhuang Yan wasn’t satisfied, and said, “How come you always reply ‘I don’t know’ to my questions?”

Qi Rui was speechless. “If it wasn’t for Xu Qing being a weirdo, I wouldn’t even have wanted to gossip about them. Xie Ning was originally low-key, so I might not even know as much as you do.”

Zhuang Yan said, “Forget it, pretend I didn’t ask.”

Qi Rui replied, “If you really want to know, I can find people to ask around.”

Zhuang Yan hesitated for a moment, his finger on the side of the cup.

Qi Rui knew what he was hesitating about, and said, “Don’t worry, it’s all legal methods. Xie Ning is important to Elder Xie, and the Xu family is not small either, so I don’t want to be paid attention to by both families.”

Zhuang Yan nodded after hearing this. “I always feel like Xie Ning’s mood is a little strange, so maybe in the past...something happened.”

Qi Rui touched his chin and guessed, “Maybe he was hurt by Xu Qing before, and that left a shadow in his heart?”

Zhuang Yan stared at him coldly when he heard this.

“I’m speaking nonsense,” Qi Rui quickly raised both of his hands in surrender. “How could Xu Qing hurt Xie Ning?”

As he said this, he really did remember something. “I did hear something from Xu Qing’s friend before, but that person often talks big, and doesn’t even know if what he’s saying is true or false. Everyone will listen to him, but nobody really believes him.”

Zhuang Yan raised his eyes and looked at him. “What was it?”

Qi Rui said, mysteriously, “He said he went out drinking with Xu Qing once, and when Xu Qing was drunk, he told the truth and criticized Xie Ning.”

Zhuang Yan frowned subconsciously, and his expression cooled. “What did he criticize?”

“He said Xie Ning was very noble and virtuous as a person. He was usually indifferent to him, and wouldn’t even let Xu Qing touch him. As a boyfriend, he was just there in name and with nothing to back it up. He felt really wronged, so he asked if it was wrong for him to be promiscuous in sexual relations!”

Zhuang Yan was startled.

“But he said that he likes that type of noble and virtuous aura that surrounds him. Plus, the way Xie Ning looks at others is exactly the same as Zhuang Yan does, as if they didn’t even want to acknowledge you.”

Zhuang Yan found it hard to believe, and it was a long while before he spat out, “Xu Qing...is there something wrong with his brain? Is he an M?”

Qi Rui shrugged. “Who knows?”

Zhuang Yan was silent.

Qi Rui observed Zhuang Yan’s expression and said, “When I heard about it at that time, I only thought that person was just talking nonsense, and didn’t think too much about it. Thinking back on it now, with Xie Ning’s aloof and arrogant temperament...most of it is probably true.”

Zhuang Yan still felt like it was strange. “It’s true Xie Ning doesn’t like to speak much, but how is his personality too noble and arrogant?”

Qi Rui was also confused. “Is he not noble and arrogant enough?! Then tell me, what is his personality usually like?”

Zhuang Yan instantly replied, “Introverted, shy, cute, and really fun to tease.”

Qi Rui, expressionless, said, “I feel like you and I know two different Xie Nings.”

Zhuang Yan replied, “What?”

Qi Rui continued to say, “It’s not someone with the same name and surname, is it?”

“...”

“Forget it, let’s not talk about this right now.” Zhuang Yan rubbed the spot between his eyebrows.

Qi Rui also looked as if he’d seen a ghost, and said after a while, “Honestly, nothing really happened between Xie Ning and Xu Qing, so you should be happy.”

Zhuang Yan didn’t say anything, and silently took a sip of alcohol.

Qi Rui continued, “Your personality is the kind that can’t put up with anything, but if there’s anything you’re not satisfied with, you can turn your face at the drop of a hat. When we discussed you before, we were all curious as to what kind of person you’d end up liking. Everyone thought that, with your standards, you would definitely require the other party to have no emotional experience like yourself.”

Zhuang Yan sneered.

“I don’t object to Xie Ning’s past. Whether or not he’s liked someone else in the past, or if they had some connection in the past...when I think of it, my heart feels blocked, but it’s not like I can’t accept it.” He said, “It’s just the past.”

Qi Rui asked, “Then why are you always concerned about his past with Xu Qing?”

Zhuang Yan said coldly, “But it can’t be Xu Qing.”

Qi Rui paused, then said, “Why are you still treating Xu Qing differently?”

“A person like Xu Qing…” Zhuang Yan ground his teeth. Of course he had to treat Xu Qing differently.

He didn’t mind Xie Ning’s past, and even hoped that if Xie Ning had liked someone in the past and was together with them, that the person was worthy of his liking.

He hoped that Xie Ning had met good people in the past and was not treated with indifference before he met him.

And instead, was treated with respect, love, and was properly cherished by others.

Even though he would be jealous, envious, and go a little crazy in his heart.

But at least Xie Ning in the past was blessed and happy.

He couldn’t bear to see Xie Ning go through any hardships.

So Xie Ning could have been with anyone in the past, except for Xu Qing.

A person like Xu Qing…

Zhuang Yan laughed coldly. “Is he even worthy?”

-----------------------------------------------

Author’s Note: NingNing in others’ eyes: Noble, virtuous, aloof, arrogant.

NingNing in ZhuangZhuang’s eyes: Shy and cute.

ZhuangZhuang in others’ eyes: Picky and mean.

ZhuangZhuang in NingNing’s eyes: Comforting and reliable.

The image of a rabbit and blue whale is a little thing unique to the two of them~

I updated this late; I didn’t think that this chapter would be so long and I didn’t have time to edit it after finishing.

ZhuangZhuang, really...the more I write, the more I like him.

The words ZhuangZhuang said in this chapter are what I wanted to express. The fact that nothing much happened between Xie Ning and Xu Qing is something I planned for in the very beginning, and wasn’t changed because of someone’s words or thoughts.

And it’s not because someone is unclean or not, but just because Xu Qing is not worthy.