chapter 29 - gave a confession

Xie Ning only stared at Zhuang Yan dumbly, with a confused expression on his face, as if he didn’t understand what he meant.

Zhuang Yan laughed in spite of himself. “Why do you look so confused?”

Seeing how Xie Ning didn’t react for a long while, Zhuang Yan couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows, surprised, and asked, “Are you...really not planning to give me a label?”

Xie Ning repeated, “...Label?”

Looking at Xie Ning’s ignorant appearance, Zhuang Yan wasn’t upset, but even found it a little funny.

“Yes,” he said, holding Xie Ning’s hand in his own, as if he was combing a rabbit’s fur, “What kind of person am I to you right now?”

Xie Ning subconsciously repeated after Zhuang Yan again, saying, “What kind of person?”

“...”

Zhuang Yan clasped his wrist and leaned his body towards Xie Ning, asking in an encouraging tone, “Right now, am I your neighbor? Friend? Or...boyfriend? Lover?”

Xie Ning was shocked, and took his hand back like he was struck by lightning.

Like a startled little white rabbit.

When Zhuang Yan thought of this, the corners of his lips deepened.

Xie Ning muttered, “I don’t know.”

“Mmn.” Zhuang Yan nodded his head. “That’s also my fault.”

Xie Ning paused for a moment, not understanding why he said that.

Zhuang Yan put his hand lightly on the table, and he looked a little nervous. He tapped the surface subconsciously twice before saying, “I seem to have never clearly confessed to you.”

Confess?

Xie Ning was completely stunned.

He wanted to say something, but something seemed to have blocked his throat. His mind went blank for a few seconds and couldn’t think of anything. He didn’t know what to say.

He knew Zhuang Yan wasn’t joking.

Because of that, he was even more panicked.

Zhuang Yan looked at him and said seriously, “I like you, Xie Ning.”

I like you.

Xie Ning.

For some reason, when Xie Ning heard this sentence, his heart shook once forcefully and his pupils dilated.

Then, with a whoosh, tears came out.

Zhuang Yan was shocked.

“Why are you crying?” He reached his hand out, wanting to touch Xie Ning’s face, but was at a loss. “Did I scare you, darling?”

Xie Ning’s hand trembled a little, but he still couldn’t say anything. He could only shake his head silently.

Zhuang Yan, seeing his appearance, stood up and walked over to slowly squat down in front of him. He wiped away the tears on his face, little by little, and said, “I like you, seriously. I’m not joking.”

He said, “I want to become your boyfriend, I want to marry you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to spoil you, love you, kiss you, sleep with you. It’s that kind of like.”

Xie Ning’s whole body was stunned by his long string of words, and his originally pale face slowly flushed.

He spoke with difficulty, and said, “I-I don’t know…”

“What do you not know?” Zhuang Yan laughed in spite of himself. “You didn’t know I like you? I think I showed it very obviously already; were you really that dense?”

Xie Ning shook his head silently.

Zhuang Yan looked at him quietly for a while and saw that his eyes were still red, as if he was ready to cry at any moment. He asked quietly, “Then...do you not know how to respond to me?”

Xie Ning slowly nodded his head.

His breathing was slightly rapid, there was a layer of cold sweat on his forehead, and his body was faintly trembling.

The trembling was unconscious, and was less noticeable than a conditioned reflex.

But he didn’t resist or struggle. When Zhuang Yan wiped away his tears, he even rubbed his head a little against his palm.

Zhuang Yan’s senses were keen, and he noticed that Xie Ning’s mood was a little strange. Although he didn’t know why, he didn’t rush Xie Ning to give him an answer now.

“There’s no hurry,” he said softly. “You can think about it slowly. I can afford to wait.”

Xie Ning quietly let a breath out.

He’d recovered his senses now and realized how he’d just lost his self-control, but he didn’t know how to explain it to Zhuang Yan.

The moment he heard Zhuang Yan’s confession, he didn’t feel shock nor joy, but pain spreading from his chest instead.

It hurt so much that he couldn’t help but cry.

He hadn’t experienced feelings for so, so long that he even forgot what it was like to like someone.

It was like too much silt was piled up and the whole path was blocked.

When the feelings rushed over him, it slammed into the piled-up silt and shook his heart.

“I’m just...it was too unexpected.” Afraid that Zhuang Yan would misunderstand, Xie Ning stammered and tried to explain, “I-I wasn’t prepared for it in my heart.”

Zhuang Yan looked down and didn’t expose the excuse, replying, “Mmn, it’s okay. I’m not forcing you to give me an answer right now.”

Xie Ning carefully examined Zhuang Yan’s expression, afraid that he would be unhappy.

Most people would be upset when their confession was reacted to in such a way…

And he cried.

How was he to explain this!

Xie Ning’s fingertips trembled, and his eyes reddened again.

He didn’t want to cry, but he couldn’t hold it back.

Zhuang Yan lightly sighed, and helplessly said, “Why are you crying again?”

Xie Ning quickly took a deep breath and tried to hold the tears back.

Zhuang Yan felt even more helpless when he saw that the corners of Xie Ning’s eyes were still filled with tears, yet he was trying his hardest to resist crying, and looked as if he was crying but not crying.

He just confessed, so why did it seem like he’d bullied Xie Ning until he cried?

As he was thinking, his heart was like a frisky monkey. Seeing the pitiful, bedraggled Xie Ning, that was looking back at him, he really did want to bully him a little in various ways.

He couldn’t help but sigh in his heart: You just want me to spoil you.

He’d been squatting for so long that his feet were a little numb, so Zhuang Yan stood up and wanted to return to his seat when Xie Ning pulled on his sleeve cuffs.

He looked down at Xie Ning.

“Don’t leave.” Xie Ning thought he was going to leave and suddenly became anxious. The tears that he just held back started falling again as he looked for an excuse, saying, “I’m sorry, I, I…”

He stammered “I” for a long time, incoherent because he didn’t know what to say, and finally squeezed out two words, “...Don’t. Leave.”

Zhuang Yan quickly tried to comfort him. “I won’t leave, don’t cry.”

Xie Ning only pulled on his sleeve cuff more as his tears kept falling.

Zhuang Yan’s heart moved, as if he remembered something. He turned around and took Xie Ning into his arms, saying, “Be good, NingNing, I’m here. I won’t leave.”

Xie Ning was finally relieved when he landed in an embrace on Zhuang Yan’s wide, firm chest.

Zhuang Yan said, “Don’t cry so hard that my clothes get wet, though. I still have to wear them to dinner later.”

Xie Ning, after a while, mumbled, “I-I didn’t cry at all!”

“Yes yes yes, you didn’t cry, I saw it wrong.” Zhuang Yan’s hand patted Xie Ning’s back continuously, tenderly comforting him, as a pondering look flashed in his eyes.

Although Xie Ning is introverted, shy, cold, and indifferent to others, he wasn’t someone to cry.

Zhuang Yan remembered when he lost control of himself at Lan Zhai and held Xie Ning down for a kiss, he thought that Xie Ning was crying, but he wasn’t.

Even later on, when Xie Ning was in the bathroom and wouldn’t stop saying it hurt in a crying tone, he didn’t shed a single tear.

But he cried today.

Zhuang Yan thought he said something that shocked him, but thinking about it carefully, Xie Ning’s tears fell almost immediately after he finished confessing.

Zhuang Yan couldn’t help but frown as he wondered in his heart.

When Xie Ning’s mood became more stable, he pulled out of Zhuang Yan’s embrace, his face flushed.

Zhuang Yan raised his eyebrow and smiled. “Does this count as throwing me away after you’ve used me?”

Xie Ning quietly murmured, “I’m not throwing you away.”

Zhuang Yan nodded seriously. “Even if you threw me away, I would still walk back to you so that you can’t toss me away no matter what.”

Xie Ning, thinking of something, blushed again.

He was still holding Zhuang Yan’s sleeve cuff with no intention of letting go, as if he was afraid Zhuang Yan would be gone the second he let go.

Zhuang Yan lowered his eyes and asked, “Did you cry just now because you thought I was going to leave?”

Xie Ning’s fingers tightened, and he nodded. “...Mmn.”

Zhuang Yan continued to ask, “You don’t want me to leave?”

Xie Ning said honestly, “I don’t.”

Not only did he not want him to leave, he was afraid that he would leave, so much so that he cried out of worry.

Zhuang Yan lowered his head and smiled.

His confession clearly didn’t succeed, but such a Xie Ning couldn’t make him upset even if he wanted to.

He just wanted to hold him in his arms and squeeze him all over.

He said, “Don’t worry, I won’t leave. I just squatted for too long, so my feet were a little numb.”

Xie Ning reluctantly let go of his sleeve and looked at him with large eyes. “Oh.”

Zhuang Yan laughed in spite of himself. “You can pull on it if you want.”

Xie Ning immediately grabbed his sleeve again, and his whole face turned red again.

“Even though you haven’t given me an answer yet,” Zhuang Yan chuckled, “Even if you reject me, I wouldn’t leave. Although I haven’t done anything like this before...well, isn’t it just pursuing someone?”

He fiercely squeezed Xie Ning’s cheeks, but his tone was extremely sincere when he said, “I’m serious when I say I want to be with you. If you don’t agree, then I’ll chase you until you do, so there’s no need to be afraid that I’ll leave you.”

Xie Ning, as if he’d taken a reassurance pill, relaxed his tense body, saying, “...Mmn.”

Zhuang Yan, deep in thought, suddenly changed the subject. “NingNing, I remember last time I seemed to have said that for every hug I give you, you would let me kiss you once.”

Xie Ning quickly responded, “I didn’t agree to that at all.”

Zhuang Yan didn’t argue, and instead said, “Then how about answering a few questions?”

Xie Ning looked at him, befuddled.

Zhuang Yan sounded disappointed, saying, “You haven’t given me an answer to my confession, so I should look for benefits elsewhere.”

Xie Ning suddenly felt guilty, sat up straight, and nodded obediently.

Zhuang Yan smiled. “There’s no need to be so nervous. If you don’t want to answer, you don’t need to say anything.”

Xie Ning nodded again, continuing to be obedient.

Zhuang Yan quietly watched him for a moment, and asked quietly, “Do...you like me?”

Xie Ning paused.

Zhuang Yan immediately added, “You know what kind of like I’m talking about.”

Xie Ning’s face flushed.

He didn’t say anything, but Zhuang Yan wasn’t in a hurry, and looked at him earnestly.

After a while, Xie Ning said softly while blushing, “...I like you.”

Zhuang Yan felt relieved immediately.

As long as Xie Ning likes him, nothing else is a problem.

He gave it some thought and continued to ask, “How long do you need to think about it before you can give me an answer?”

Xie Ning lowered his eyes and his expression became uneasy again. “I-I don’t know.”

Zhuang Yan, seeing him like this, sighed in his heart.

Looks like something related to the confession made him uneasy.

He was silently trying to not be anxious, and after a bit, he asked, “Have you been confessed to before?”

Xie Ning nodded his head, well-behaved.

With Xie Ning’s looks and personality, he was definitely famous in university, so it would be strange if he wasn’t confessed to.

Zhuang Yan continued to ask, “A lot?”

Xie Ning thought about it. “...It can’t be considered little.”

Zhuang Yan ground his teeth and felt a little jealous.

He couldn’t help but think of Xu Qing. His heart moved, and wondered if Xie Ning’s reaction had anything to do with Xu Qing.

Did Xu Qing hurt him too deeply in the past and left a shadow in his heart, which is why…

He became more annoyed the more he thought about it, but he was afraid of scaring Xie Ning and tried his hardest to resist it.

He always suppressed thoughts about Xu Qing when he was together with Xie Ning, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to subdue the urge to kill.

And it wasn’t worth his effort to mess with someone like Xu Qing. If they really did become entangled, he would end up being disturbed.

He never felt like Xu Qing was a problem between Xie Ning and himself.

Xu Qing is only a thing of the past, while he and Xie Ning are in the present and in the future.

Which young person doesn’t encounter a player? Zhuang Yan didn’t want to delve into Xie Ning’s past, and with what he experienced today, he cared about and loved Xie Ning all the more.

But Xie Ning’s reaction today was more than he expected.

He pondered for a while.

Maybe he should thoroughly check up on Xu Qing’s past?

“Zhuang-Zhuang Yan?” Xie Ning, seeing how he didn’t talk for a long time, called out to him carefully.

Zhuang Yan came back to his senses and smiled at him. “It turns out there were so many people who liked you. Then wouldn’t I be in line at the edge of the sky?”

Xie Ning, hearing the jealous tone in his voice, said quietly, “...There must have been a good amount of people who liked you too.”

Zhuang Yan said, “But I don’t like any of them. If it were you, I’d let you cut in line.”

Xie Ning, confused, asked, “Cut in line?”

“Yes. I’d let you be the first one.” Zhuang Yan looked at him, jokingly, and said, “Then, is NingNing willing to cut in line for me?”

Xie Ning said, “I’m willing.”

Zhuang Yan continued to ask, “Will you let others cut in your line?”

Xie Ning shook his head forcefully. “I won’t.” After a pause, he quietly said, “...I’ll only let you cut in line.”

Zhuang Yan took a deep breath and said, “With what you just said, even if I’m not given a label, I’ll still recognize it.”

Xie Ning’s lips trembled. “I…”

When he saw this, Zhuang Yan reached his hand out and pressed it to his lips, making a shushing motion. He soothed him, saying, “Don’t think too much about it.”

He immediately changed the subject. “Right, I still have a question.”

Xie Ning looked at him curiously. “What is it?”

Zhuang Yan, seeing his confused expression and rosy lips, suddenly smiled. “Forget it, I won’t ask.”

Xie Ning: “?”

Zhuang Yan lowered his head, skipping the process of asking, pressed down, and kissed Xie Ning’s lips forcefully and irresistibly.

Xie Ning widened his eyes: “!!!”

Zhuang Yan originally just wanted to have a taste of a kiss, trying to give the label-less self a benefit from Xie Ning.

But once he kissed him, he couldn’t hold back any more.

Xie Ning’s lips were unimaginably soft, and they were opened slightly, as if waiting to be plundered.

Zhuang Yan’s reason ran away from home immediately as he ferociously seized Xie Ning’s breath.

The originally gentle kiss started to increase in aggression, and Xie Ning even felt as if Zhuang Yan had started biting. The untamed action gave Xie Ning the feeling that he was about to be swallowed whole.

But Xie Ning didn’t feel disgusted.

He even yieldingly opened his mouth more, letting Zhuang Yan do whatever he wanted, and when Zhuang Yan’s tongue entered, he couldn’t resist and even licked the tip of his tongue.

In a flash, Zhuang Yan seemed to go mad.

Is he an idiot?! At a time like this, he even responded to him?!

It was quiet in the small room, so any movement was clearly audible.

The fierce kiss was accompanied by the faint sound of water. If anyone heard it, they would immediately blush and their heartbeat would quicken.

Zhuang Yan’s hand silently lifted the corner of Xie Ning’s clothes, and reached in from his waist, landing on his skin.

Xie Ning, startled by his cold fingers, trembled a little.

His body stiffened but then relaxed slowly, showing his intention to indulge.

If it wasn’t for this being the wrong place and time, Zhuang Yan would have done him like this and that right now.

When the kiss was over, Xie Ning felt like his body had collapsed and couldn’t exert any strength. He could only limply lean against Zhuang Yan and whimper like a small animal, “Um…”

Zhuang Yan lightly squeezed the flesh on his waist, saying, “I think you’re a bit of a hypocrite.”

Xie Ning was slightly panting, and looked at him in confusion. “...What?”

His voice was hoarse for some reason.

Hearing that, Zhuang Yan’s heart felt a little itchy. He chuckled and said, “You were saying you didn’t want to kiss earlier, but you seemed to have enjoyed it quite a lot. You even responded to me…”

Xie Ning’s face turned completely red in an instant.

What...what did he do just now!

Zhuang Yan lightly kissed him a couple more times and, without giving him a chance to explain, gave hima figurative “hypocrite” hat, insisting that he admit he really wanted to be kissed like that.

Xie Ning, Xie Ning was completely speechless!

It was too shameful!

The winter night came early, so when night had almost completely fallen, Zhuang Yan pulled Xie Ning up from the chair.

“Come on, the people downstairs have probably mostly left by now, so it’s time for dinner.”

Xie Ning followed him silently.

Zhuang Yan asked, in a low voice, “Can you walk? Are your legs still soft?”

Xie Ning stared at him, blushing, and physically demonstrated that he could walk.

After a couple of steps, Zhuang Yan pulled him to a stop.

The smile on Zhuang Yan’s face deepened. “You’re just going to go down like this?”

Xie Ning didn’t realize what he meant. “What’s the matter?”

Zhuang Yan smiled and said, “If you go down like this, my mom is going to scold me harshly, saying that I definitely bullied you.”

Xie Ning asked, “Why?”

Zhuang Yan said casually, “Do you know that right now, your nose, ears, and mouth are all red?”

Especially his lips, rosy and smooth. Anyone could tell at a glance that they’d been fiercely doted on and ravaged.

Xie Ning’s face burned even hotter when he heard this. “You’re the one to blame!”

Zhuang Yan took him to the bathroom and used cold water to wash his face, personally wiping off the water stains on his face with a towel. He lifted Xie Ning’s chin and stared at him carefully for a long time.

“Mmn, it’s not too obvious now. It’s just that your face is still red...you get shy too easily.”

Xie Ning muttered, “Then I’ll wash it again?”

“It’s not going to be much use if you wash it again,” Zhuang Yan said, “It’s okay, it’s not very apparent. No one will doubt you if you say you’re red from the cold.”

Xie Ning: “...Mmn.”

Dinner was like Zhuang Yan had described; there weren’t many people. The guests were gone, so only the Zhuang family members were left.

Although Zhuang Yan’s father looked taciturn, he treated others warmly and was not as serious of a person as Xie Ning had imagined.

He’d gone through too much in the afternoon, first crying and then laughing, so when he was eating dinner, Xie Ning was a little more reticent than usual. Fortunately, it was the first time he was meeting most of the Zhuang family, so everyone thought his personality was just like that.

Madam Qiao thought he was just shy with strangers, and caringly put a lot of vegetables in his bowl, and vigorously asked what he liked to eat and told him to not be shy and grab what he wanted.

Xie Ning could feel Madam Qiao’s fiery enthusiasm, and his heart felt warm. Moved, he nodded, saying, “I like to eat all of this.”

Zhuang Yan sat next to Xie Ning and leisurely said, “Mom, don’t worry about it. The table is full of dishes he likes to eat. He doesn’t have a large appetite, so giving him so many is just going to make him too full.”

“You talk too much.” Madam Qiao couldn’t help but glare at him a little, then turned around to give Xie Ning some shrimp.

Xie Ning looked at his bowl overflowing with vegetables, half given to him by Madam Qiao, the other half given to him by Zhuang Yan.

He couldn’t speak for a long time, so he could only suffer and eat.

Zhuang Yan accompanied him home.

He originally said he could return on his own, but Zhuang Yan insisted on sending him off.

Madam Qiao also helped out on the side, saying, “Don’t be so polite and let him take you. It’s so dark outside already, and I heard that some neighbors own several dogs. It’s said that they’re purebred wolfhounds, dark and large, with tough fur. What if you get scared on the way back?”

After being persuaded and a little bit lied to by the mother and son duo, Xie Ning, who was originally not good with words, could only nod and agree at the end.

On the way, Xie Ning couldn’t help but sigh. “Your mom is too...too enthusiastically welcoming.”

Zhuang Yan nodded. “That’s because she really likes you. My family is all like this. Towards the people they like, they can’t help but be totally devoted.”

Xie Ning knew that he was borrowing Madam Qiao’s situation to brag about himself, and glanced at him quietly, rebutting with, “...Shameless.”

Zhuang Yan raised his eyebrow. “If I had shame, can I successfully pursue a wife?”

Xie Ning: “Wh-who’s your wife!”

After he said this, he immediately realized that he’d applied the comment to himself and suddenly went quiet.

Zhuang Yan happily laughed out loud.

The short distance didn’t allow them to talk for longer. Zhuang Yan dropped Xie Ning off at the entrance, and when he was saying goodbye, he suddenly held Xie Ning’s hand and raised his eyebrows.

“You’re not going to give me a goodbye kiss?”

Xie Ning said, “...No.”

Zhuang Yan chuckled. “What about a good night kiss?”

“...”

Xie Ning said, “Not that one either.”

Zhuang Yan, contemplating, said, “Then…”

Xie Ning preemptively said, “Stop asking! I’m not giving you anything!”

Zhuang Yan held back his smile, pulled him into a hug, and next to his ear, said, “Good night.”

Xie Ning hesitated for a few seconds, then wrapped his arms around Zhuang Yan’s waist and hugged him back, saying softly, “Good night.”

……

Zhuang Yan saw Madam Qiao waiting for him in the living room as soon as he got back home.

Today, the guests came one after another, so the living room was a mess and they didn’t have any time to clean it up.

Madam Qiao sat upright and still on the sofa, looking as if she wanted to hold a meeting.

Zhuang Yan gave her a smile, saying, “What’s wrong? Did someone tattle on me like I got into trouble outside?”

Madam Qiao’s eyebrows twitched. “So you know that you make trouble outside? Why can’t you control your temper a bit?”

Zhuang Yan calmly said, “My temper is just like this; I can’t change it.”

Madam Qiao still didn’t know what to do with him after all these years, so she rubbed the spot between her eyebrows and asked, “What did you do when you pulled Xie Ning out to be alone with him in the afternoon?”

Zhuang Yan, surprised, raised his eyebrows. “This was what you were going to ask?”

He thought that she’d found out what was going on between him and Xie Ning, so he carefully observed her expression.

Madam Qiao looked at him with a headache. “Did you bully him when nobody was around? I felt like he was off during dinner, so what exactly did you do to make him like that?”

Zhuang Yan: “...”

He really did bully Xie Ning in the afternoon by scaring him so much with a confession that he cried and keeping him in his arms to aggressively kiss him.

But that’s completely different from what Madam Qiao was asking.

Zhuang Yan defended himself, saying, “I didn’t bully him.”

Madam Qiao didn’t believe him at all, and said, “Don’t speak nonsense in front of me. NingNing is still a guest, I don’t expect you to coax him nicely, but don’t bully him too much. How can I invite him to our house again after you do something like that?”

Zhuang Yan said, “...Believe it or not, I really didn’t do whatever you think I did.”

Plus, he had definitely coaxed Xie Ning nicely, and almost spoiled him up to heaven.

But no matter how he tried to explain, Madam Qiao didn’t believe him.

Zhuang Yan didn’t know what to do, saying, “If you want to invite him over, feel free to do so. He definitely won’t refuse.”

Madam Qiao couldn’t help but sigh. “How did I give birth to such an indecent son like you?”

Zhuang Yan felt really unlucky today.

First he made the confession recipient cry after his confession, then a large pot of blame landed on his head and his own mother kept it there.

Zhuang Yan couldn’t help himself and asked, “Am I still your biological son? Why aren’t you willing to believe me?”

Madam Qiao lifted her eyes, saying, “I know what kind of conduct you have exactly because you crawled out from my stomach.”

Zhuang Yan, expressionless, said, “What conduct?”

“NingNing, this child, is cute and well-behaved, so he easily impales someone’s heart. Even I wanted to hug him and squeeze him a couple of times.” Madam Qiao glanced at him coolly and continued, “How could you hold back and not tease him?”

Zhuang Yan: “...”

He was speechless, and it was a while before he said quietly, “You really are my biological mother.”

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Author’s Note: I can’t help but feel distressed for the ZhuangZhuang in this chapter…

Additionally, NingNing’s reaction had nothing to do with Xu Qing. It was ZhuangZhuang’s own misconception, but the Xu Qing problem needs to be resolved. He can’t always misunderstand like this, so the timing is just right.

I don’t think this chapter is very angsty, it’s very sweet! What do you guys think!

This confession chapter was too important. I wrote it from last night to early morning, then took a long while to edit it. Because I didn’t want to separate it in the middle into another chapter and ruin the reading experience, I kept writing in the afternoon to finish the plot, so there’s 6500 characters this time!

So can this caring author receive your loving comments qaq

Translator's Notes:

no terms this time, but if anyone was wondering why i translated the chapter as "gave a confession" instead of just "confession", it's because the author always has 4 character titles, and didn't directly use the two characters for "confession", so i tried to keep it as close to the original as possible! this was a super sweet chapter that hints at things to come, so i hope everyone enjoyed it!